Okay, so. Here’s the story, people. (Isn’t it extra annoying to end phrases with people?!)
You may have noticed my Twitter feed has been a little extra obnoxious, which isn’t rare. The past two days, it’s been filled with Live-Tweets (ish) about the ongoing saga between me and my ex-boyfriend… BUT. I have reason.
Do you know how many times I’ve sat in my house with full hair and makeup, all done-up, yet super casual as if I-just woke-up-looking like this, while waiting around for him? AND THEN HE STANDS ME UP, on repeat. He keeps playing like a bad, kinda-cheesy country song you like but definitely won’t admit to anyone else how often you listen to on Spotify.
Ladies, come on. Lemme appeal to your pathos here. Just picture what this means: I did the hair game (w/ blowdryer BS included), did the make up, picked the outfit, AND EVEN HAD A BRA ON WHILE INSIDE OF MY OWN HOME (usually). And then, he just wouldn’t show.
Why? I will tell you why.
(Disclaimer: these are from his statements and are not my own opinions.)
1. He really wanted to build a bicycle, right now.
2. He was afraid of me. I actually really like this reason.
3. He was taking a nap and couldn’t make it to my mom’s funeral.
4. He works the hardest job in the world ( and the second hardest would be bricklayer) and he is too tired to come see me. I should really stop making him feel so guilty.
5. He woke up today and he’s not in love with me anymore. It happens like: THAT.
6. I’m not worth the 20-minute drive from his house to my house.
7. He’s upset I’ve made him feel guilty again for not coming to see me and he can’t even… go to his work dinner now and should just skip it. Maybe he’ll go for a bike ride.
8. He loves me and misses me but just doesn’t even know what to do. (Um, come see me?)
9. If I would stop insulting him for two seconds he would JUST come over. (I’m a treat.)
10. He’s supposed to come over tonight, again. Yeah… I know.
11. I’ll have a another excuse for y’all tomorrow.
Hopefully, I’ll outgrow this. And by THIS, I mean: loving bad guys and also being obnoxious, which let’s be honest is a lifelong trait I probably (don’t want to) shake. You’d think moving back to NYC would cause me to forget all about him and find some suave banky/hedgey guy or actor/waiter dude. (Both of those options sound really TERRIBLE.)
Welp. So that you other gals know: Heartbreak is an awful disease that affects every 5 out of 5 women.
You’re so not alone.